


A Few Bad Dreams

by Sproid



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Fluff, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-11
Updated: 2012-11-11
Packaged: 2017-11-18 11:14:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/560428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sproid/pseuds/Sproid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Mara, Tegan has trouble sleeping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Few Bad Dreams

It's a rare lazy afternoon on the TARDIS, the type that Tegan knows she would enjoy under normal circumstances. The only imminent danger is that presented by the Doctor bouncing around the lab table while he and Nyssa work on something that had far too many four syllable words in it when they'd described it to her. Nyssa doesn't seem to mind his antics too much, remonstrating gently with him when he nearly knocks her over, but otherwise content to simply roll her eyes at Tegan when he's not looking. 

It makes Tegan smile, but only for a moment. She hasn't got the energy to keep up with either of them now, and it feels like forever since she's been as carefree as they appear to be. Three weeks of broken nights and nightmares will do that to a person; more so when you're trying very hard not to let anyone else see how badly you're handling the aftermath of an event which they have both informed you poses no further threat.

A crash from the middle of the room makes her jump, heart pounding in her ears for a moment before she realises that it's just the Doctor inevitably knocking something flying. Nyssa is looking at her with that soft, slightly concerned look that she's been sending Tegan's way a lot recently, which is Tegan's cue to leave – there's no need to have Nyssa worrying over something as silly as a few bad dreams.

"I'll see you both at dinner," Tegan tells them, forcing a smile onto her face, and slips out of the room before they can respond.

\-- -- -- -- --

Nyssa waits until they've reached a point where it's safe for her to be distracted, chemicals bubbling happily away in their flasks while she and the Doctor clear up some of their mess, before she voices her concerns.

"There's something wrong with Tegan."

By the sink, the Doctor sighs. She watches his shoulders slump slightly before he turns around. "I must admit, I'd reached the same conclusion. Our bright and bouncy Tigger does seem to be something of an Eeyore of late."

"I'm not sure Tegan would appreciate that analogy," Nyssa remarks, amused both at the comparison and the Doctor's way of keeping the situation in perspective.

"You're probably right."

"I'm worried about her. She's usually so quick to tell us when something is wrong, I can't help wondering what can be so bad that she won't talk about it."

"Now, Nyssa, let's not jump to conclusions," the Doctor cautions, moving away from the sink and shaking off his wet hands before he reaches out to squeeze Nyssa's shoulder. "We don't know what, if anything, is bothering her yet. It needn't be something dreadful, just something that she needs some time to work out."

Determined not to let it go, Nyssa tells him, "I still think we should talk to her, just to make sure she's alright."

"I quite agree," the Doctor says, which throws her just slightly. At Nyssa's frown of confusion, he taps her on the nose and adds, "I was about to suggest that we stop by her room once we're done here, but you seemed rather determined to get there first."

"Oh," Nyssa says. She would apologise, but the Doctor has that fond smile on his face that he gets when someone lives up to his expectations in a good way, so she thinks he doesn't mind being pre-empted.

"Come on then," he says, moving back over to the sink and plunging his hands into water that he's put far too much washing liquid in. Grinning, up to his elbows in bubbles, he says, "The quicker we finish here, the quicker we can pin Tegan's tail back on and turn her into Tigger again."

"Hopefully, not literally," Nyssa murmurs, and sets about preparing the last steps of the experiment.

\-- -- -- -- --

Evening has arrived by the time they're done, later than they'd planned but not so late that Tegan should be asleep. And yet, when they knock gently on her door, there's no response. The silence from within, compounded with the quietness that has been following Tegan around of late, is far from reassuring.

"Usually I'd recommend leaving well alone but... I think in this instance we'd all be happier if we knew Tegan was alright," the Doctor decides. "Nyssa, you'd better go in first; on the off-chance that Tegan is awake, she's less likely to object to you barging in on her than me."

Thankfully the handle turns when Nyssa tries it, and she pushes the door cautiously. Inside it's dark, the only light a strip of light on the floor let in by the open door. Nyssa can just make out a shape in the bed on the far side of the room, can make out much more clearly the sounds of rustling as Tegan twitches and twists in her sleep.

"She's asleep," Nyssa murmurs to the Doctor. 

"Already?" The concern in his voice matches that which Nyssa feels.

"Yes. And I think she's dreaming." She steps aside to allow the Doctor to enter behind her. 

He observes for a few seconds before adding, "Not happy dreams, I think."

"Should we wake her?" Nyssa asks uncertainly.

"That may very well do more harm than good," the Doctor replies quietly, but doesn't sound much more certain than Nyssa feels. "On the other hand, I'm reluctant to just leave her like this."

Whether it's their voices, quiet though they are, or the light that's shining into the room, something disturbs Tegan from her unsettled sleep at that moment. She jerks on the bed, sits bolt upright and stares straight at the Doctor and Tegan before letting out a terrified scream and scrambling off the end of the bed.

"No! No, get away, leave me alone!" she shouts, wedging herself into a corner, hands patting the floor frantically. 

Searching for something, Nyssa realises – most likely a weapon. 

"Doctor?" she asks, hating seeing Tegan so very scared of them.

"She doesn't realise it's us." Urgently, he adds, "Move away from the door, Nyssa, and stay back. She's not properly awake yet."

Whilst wanting nothing more than to rush over and comfort her friend, Nyssa follows the instruction, and watches as the Doctor does the same on the other side of the door. As he goes, he pulls the door slowly further open until the light reaches Tegan in the corner, and the room becomes bright enough that they can see each other's faces.

Forcing herself to stay put, Nyssa calls out gently, "Tegan? Tegan, it's us. It's Nyssa and the Doctor, Tegan. You're safe, you're in the TARDIS, we're not going to hurt you. Please, you don't need to be scared."

Long moments pass while Tegan huddles in the corner, wide-eyed and shaking, grasping a hairbrush in her hands as if she's expecting to have to ward off the most evil of monsters. Then she blinks, turns her head to look at Nyssa, and she doesn't look any less confused or frightened but at least she's _awake_ now. 

"Nyssa?" she croaks out. She sounds so lost, Nyssa can't stay away any longer. "Nyssa?" she says again, as Nyssa crouches down in front of her, careful not to block the light. "What – how - " The hairbrush falls to the floor with a clatter that makes Tegan jump; she reaches out for Nyssa at the same time as Nyssa drops to her knees and wraps her arms around Tegan's shaking shoulders. As Tegan starts to cry, all Nyssa can do is hold her close and rub one hand slowly up and down her back. Across the room, the Doctor mouths 'carry on', so Nyssa does, murmuring soft words of what she very much hopes are comfort while Tegan cries hot tears into her shoulder.

\-- -- -- -- --

When Tegan awakens to see two silhouettes in her room, tall and menacing and casting long shadows from where they block the door, she can barely breathe for fear that nightmare has become reality. Then she hears Nyssa's voice, squints her eyes against the light to make out her familiar features, and relief makes her head spin. Cold floor, hard wall, too much like the nightmare but Nyssa – Nyssa is warm and soft and real, gentle voice, reassuring hold. Tegan grips at her dress as hard as she can with numb fingers, hides her head in her shoulder, and lets out tears that she hasn't got the strength to keep in any more. When she's done, she doesn't feel much better, but at least the grip of the dream has faded.

"Welcome back," Nyssa says quietly when Tegan lifts her head and makes herself meet Nyssa's gaze. "We were worried about you," she adds, and nods towards what turns out to be the Doctor standing near the door. 

"Great," Tegan says tiredly. "The whole gang's here." There's more she wants to say – 'Why'd you leave it until now to care?', 'Thanks for checking up on me, now let me go back to sleep', - but it's too much effort. Beside that, if she tells them to leave then they actually might, and after weeks of being alone through the night, Tegan isn't ready to give up Nyssa's warm comfort just yet. Selfish, she knows, but doesn't care.

Hands pushed into his pockets, head down, the Doctor wanders over to Tegan's bedside table. "Bad dreams, Tegan?" he asks, casual save for the expression on his face that says he's worked out what's wrong and doesn't like it. Tegan doesn't like it either – the whole point of this was that neither of them found out until she'd got it under control.

That, however, no longer seems to be an option. "Obviously," Tegan replies, closing her eyes.

"About what?"

"What do you think?" she snaps, because damn him, he already knows what about, she'd told him weeks ago and he hadn't thought it worth bothering with then so why now? She doesn't open her eyes, doesn't want to see what's on Nyssa's face, brave calm Nyssa who handles these sort of things far better than Tegan does and must surely be disappointed in her inability to cope with this.

"The Mara," the Doctor sighs. There's a click as he turns the bedside lamp on, followed by a soft gasp from Nyssa, and a tightening of her hand around Tegan's cold fingers. If that's the reaction she gets, Tegan thinks, she must look a heck of a lot worse than she realises.

"Oh, Tegan," Nyssa murmurs, and that... that doesn't sound like disappointment. "You look exhausted."

Tegan opens her eyes to see Nyssa looking at her like she wants to help and doesn't know how, which is silly because what she's doing right now is perfect and if Tegan could stay here all night then she would.

The Doctor crosses the room and Nyssa makes room for him, moving to Tegan's side without letting go of her. He crouches down and studies her for a moment, before saying ruefully, "I've let you down rather badly, haven't I?"

"I'm fine," Tegan tells him weakly, although she's having trouble remembering why it's so important to put up a front.

"When was the last time you slept through the night?" the Doctor asks.

"Does it matter?" Tegan's head feels heavy; she lets it slip down to rest on Nyssa's shoulder just for a moment, and then doesn't want to move it. "It's just a few bad dreams, nothing to worry about."

Quietly, Nyssa says, "But it's not, is it? You haven't been yourself in weeks, and you've been hiding from us."

Tegan groans quietly and shuts her eyes. "Not you, too, Nyssa. I can't..." She can't resist if Nyssa's the one asking, sounding as genuinely concerned as she undoubtedly is, because if there's one thing Tegan doesn't want to do it's cause Nyssa to worry. 

Run, her mind says, don't let them see, and for a moment that's what she wants to do, doesn't want to let them see how awfully she's dealing with something that's so ridiculous to be scared of. But Nyssa's arm tightens around her shoulder, her hand holds Tegan's tighter and tucks her cold fingers against her side, and the Doctor reaches out to place a gentle hand on Tegan's other shoulder. It looks like they _want_ her to tell them.

"Tell us," Nyssa urges. "Please. We can't help you if we don't know what's wrong."

"I don't think you can help me anyway," Tegan whispers.

"I assure you, we can," the Doctor tells her firmly. For all he's keeping his voice down, he sounds no less certain.

So worn out, so very desperate for these endless nights of fear, of being trapped inside nightmares that are worse because she lived through them, to be over, Tegan gives in. Her reasons for not telling them seem moot now anyway. 

So she shuffles closer into Nyssa's side and tells them about the dreams that come every night without fail, that let her get bare hours of sleep at a time before she awakens terrified to the dark of her room; she tells them how she's taken to staying up until she can barely keep her eyes open in the hope that she'll be too tired to dream; how she's given up trying to get back to sleep afterwards because sometimes she'll get away with sleeping until morning but more often suffers a worse onslaught of images and sensations and memories than before.

"I thought I'd try an early night tonight," she finishes. "Get back into a routine. I even had a glass of warm milk before I went to bed. It didn't -" she holds back a hitch in her breath that sneaks up on her. "It didn't do much good." Nyssa's arm, which has been warm around her shoulders throughout, tightens in silent support.

"A glass of warm milk is hardly a solid defence against the type of trauma you've suffered," the Doctor admonishes. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I did!" Tegan replies, with as much indignation as she can muster – which isn't a great deal now that she's worn out from recounting events, and is being slowly soothed by the gentle stroking of her hair that Nyssa has begun. "You just – told me it was my mind's way of coping with the experience, and that was that."

Confusion shows itself briefly on the Doctor's face. "Ah," he says a moment later. "And you thought that meant I was telling you to deal with it yourself? That I didn't want to hear any more about it."

"Well... yes."

"It did sound a little like that, Doctor," Nyssa adds apologetically.

The Doctor sighs, and at least has the decency to look sheepish. "You usually have no qualms about telling me when something is wrong, it never occurred to me that you'd let something I said stop you," he tells Tegan. "I'd intended to chivvy you along, not make you feel you couldn't come to me for help. I do apologise, Tegan. It seems I've had quite the opposite effect than I intended."

"I should be angry with you," Tegan murmurs. "Lucky for you, I'm far too tired."

"We'll both be annoyed with him tomorrow," Nyssa says, and Tegan can't see her face but can imagine the slightly mischievous smile she knows will be there. In front of her, the Doctor has his long-suffering face on, but he's not doing a very good job of pretending that he means it. Just briefly, weakly but sincerely, Tegan laughs.

"Deal," she says. Then her eyes slip shut, and weeks of fearing what follows makes her force them open again, every muscle tense. Hopelessness surfaces, because if she's still scared even with her friends in the room with her, what hope does she ever have of sleeping easily when they're gone?

"Easy, Tegan," the Doctor says, while Nyssa laces her fingers with Tegan's and murmurs, "Shhh. It's alright." 

_It's really not,_ Tegan thinks, as Nyssa asks, "Doctor, what can we do to help?"

"Quite a bit, in fact," he replies, meeting Tegan's tired gaze. "I know a doctor – one with actual qualifications to identify him as a medical professional on Earth, albeit five hundred years from your time period – who is considered an expert in alien-induced trauma to the mind. I think it'd be a rather good idea if we pay him a visit tomorrow and get his opinion on the matter."

"It's not that important," Tegan protests, making herself sit up and pull away from Nyssa, well aware that her protests won't have much weight if she's using Nyssa as her personal teddy-bear.

"Tegan, the fact that you're still suffering some rather ill effects from the nightmares indicates otherwise," the Doctor says. "It won't do any harm to get some input from a professional, just to check that no lasting damage has been done – and to make sure that we don't make things worse by ignoring them further. If you truly don't want to go, then we'll do the best we can to set things right ourselves, but I really do think we'd better be on the safe side."

"Can't hurt, I suppose," Tegan concedes eventually. It seems like overkill, but she's aware that she's probably not in the best state of mind to be judging that right now.

"Besides," Nyssa says from her side, smiling again when Tegan lifts her head to look at her. "We've taken the Doctor to get medical attention so many times, it's only fair he returns the favour." 

Her gentle humour eases Tegan's discomfort, and she reaches out again for Nyssa's hand. "Thanks," she says.

"Any time," Nyssa replies. Her glance goes between Tegan and the Doctor as she asks, "What about tonight? Is there anything we can do to help Tegan sleep properly for at least one night?"

 _Stay_ , Tegan thinks, although she knows that's too much to ask.

"If Tegan doesn't object, it wouldn't be a bad idea for one of us to stay here tonight," the Doctor says thoughtfully. Tegan sends him a sharp look, which he returns with an infuriatingly bland smile.

"I'll stay," Nyssa says. "I want to stay," she emphasises, turning to Tegan before any objections can be voiced. "You're my friend, Tegan. If I can help then I'd like to."

"You really don't mind?" Tegan asks uncertainly. She really doesn't want to put Nyssa out, but on the other hand it does looks as if she's sincere.

"I really don't mind," Nyssa confirms, squeezing Tegan's hand before standing up. "I'll change into my pyjamas and be back soon." With a stern look, she says, "Doctor, look after her while I'm gone, won't you?"

"I dread to think what you'd do to me if I didn't."

"I can manage by myself for five minutes," Tegan mutters, and then quietens as that same look is turned upon her.

"Better," Nyssa announces, and leaves the room.

\-- -- -- -- --

Surprisingly, the Doctor does a decent job of straightening out twisted sheets, fluffing up pillows and retrieving the duvet from its hiding place down the side of the bed, while Tegan fetches herself a glass of water. For someone who has no qualms about disturbing people from their beds when he feels the need though, he's remarkably awkward about getting Tegan back into hers. She rolls her eyes as he stands on the other side of the room and just sort of shoos her towards it, only approaching when she's sitting up against the pillows with the covers around her legs.

Tegan pats the space at the edge of the bed, and he takes the space offered, drawing his legs up to sit cross-legged despite the unstableness of his position there. "I really am very sorry," he offers again, looking genuinely regretful.

Arms crossed, Tegan mutters, "You're too bloody adorable to be annoyed with for long."

"I'm sure Nyssa will help you with that tomorrow."

Tegan snorts. "She did look a bit ticked off with you."

He winces. "Didn't she just?"

"Will it really help, to have her here tonight?" Tegan asks, not sure if she wants to know.

"Oh yes. I was hoping she'd volunteer, actually. Nyssa's mind is wonderfully calm, which should greatly increase your chances of sleeping through the night." He smiles at Tegan's curious look, and explains. "I'd be surprised if Nyssa's latent mental abilities didn't exert themselves while you're both asleep; she's sensitive to mental distress, and her mind will act to suppress that which is causing it in another. Particularly with you, who she cares for consciously already. Even if that isn't the case, the TARDIS has a way of enhancing mental connections which benefit passengers she cares about."

"Everyone's looking after me," Tegan says grumpily, not at all used to coping with this much attention.

"Mmm. And don't you forget it," the Doctor tells her.

"Point taken," she concedes.

A moment later, the Doctor says brightly, "Do you know, I've just realised that I'm not going to be alone in my suffering from Nyssa's wrath?"

Narrowing her eyes at him, Tegan asks, "How'd you figure that one out?"

He grins. "You're going to have to explain to her why you didn't confide in her about the nightmares."

"Oh, rabbits," Tegan mutters. Moments later, Nyssa appears in the doorway, and looks entirely unimpressed by the innocent smiles that both Tegan and the Doctor offer her. 

"Worth a try," Tegan sighs, and bids the Doctor farewell.

\-- -- -- -- --

The Doctor finds himself ushered out of the room by a very capable Traken, who informs him that "Tegan and I are going to sleep. I expect that by the time we've woken up, we'll be on our way to see this doctor you mentioned."

"Then I shall do my best to live up to your expectations," the Doctor replies. "Sleep well, Tegan," he calls from the doorway, sending her his best encouraging smile. He lowers his voice, and repeats Nyssa's parting words from earlier. "Look after her, Nyssa."

Her expression softens. "Don't worry, Doctor, I will. She'll be safe with me."

Somehow, the Doctor doesn't think Tegan will be at risk of incurring Nyssa's remonstrations after all.

\-- -- -- -- --

In the dark, once Nyssa has wrapped the covers carefully around both of them and herself even more carefully around Tegan, there's a quiet in the room that for once sounds more peaceful than threatening to Tegan's ears. Nyssa is warm against her side, her head resting on Tegan's shoulder, arm across Tegan's waist, but Tegan isn't quite ready to sleep yet. She finds Nyssa's hand, relieved when it's taken without hesitation.

"Thank you for staying," she says quietly.

"Did you think I wouldn't?" Nyssa asks.

"I thought maybe... you might be hurt, that I didn't tell you about the nightmares," Tegan admits. Her fingers worry at Nyssa's, until Nyssa's close tighter around hers and hold gently.

"Confused, maybe. And curious," Nyssa replies. "But I know better than to be hurt by something you did when you weren't thinking clearly."

Tegan smiles slightly. "At least one of us is clear-headed enough to act rationally."

Without expectation, without demanding, Nyssa asks, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Hesitantly, not quite able to convince her tired mind that it had got it wrong about everything else and probably about this as well, Tegan replies, "I didn't want you to think any less of me."

"Why would I think any less of you?"

"You've been through so much more than I have, and you handle it all so bravely," Tegan tells her. "All I had to cope with was something in my head for a few days, and I couldn't do it. I didn't want to... to bother you with something as small as that."

"Oh, Tegan," Nyssa murmurs. "Come here," she says affectionately, and nudges at Tegan with various pointy body parts until they're facing each other in the dark, hands linked on the pillow between them, bare feet knocking against each other while pyjama-clad legs tangle together. "They're completely different situations," Nyssa tells her. "And even if they weren't, no two people deal with things in the same way. It's not a sign of weakness to ask for help from a friend."

"It sounds so logical when you say it," Tegan says, and she knows she sounds a little grumpy but she thinks Nyssa won't mind.

"That's because it is," Nyssa points out. "But I don't think you were being entirely logical when you were thinking about it, so it doesn't matter. As long as you promise to talk to me in the future, alright?"

"Alright," Tegan murmurs, eyes drifting shut. She makes a surprised sound when Nyssa lifts her head from the pillow and places a gentle kiss on her cheek, before settling back down again and pulling Tegan close. "What was that for?" Tegan murmurs, letting her head be tucked into Nyssa's shoulder again.

"A reminder, in case you forget that I care about you," Nyssa says.

Tightening her arms briefly around Nyssa, Tegan mumbles sleepily, "Not likely."

"Good. Then go to sleep," Nyssa instructs. 

_I'm already there_ , Tegan thinks, and drifts into slumber with Nyssa stroking her hair, warm under the covers and finally safe from hateful dreams.


End file.
